Elizabeth Bernstein for the WSJ has an article on apologies—and the lack thereof. She closes with some tips for those who need help with the subject:
Know what you did wrong. If you're not sure, ask.
Show real remorse. Don't say: "I'm sorry you are hurt," which suggests the person is too sensitive. Say: "I am sorry I hurt you."
Don't be defensive. Don't use the word "but," as in, "I am sorry, but…"
Offer to make changes. It helps to say, sincerely, that you will try not to make the same offense again.
Don't throw in the kitchen sink. If you're the one who wants the apology, stick to the matter at hand. Don't bring up past slights.
Try humor. A little self-deprecation can go a long way.
Don't delay. Just do it. An imperfect apology is better than none at all.
Inset in the article, the “Sincerity Scale,” rating common apologies from the best to the worst. So true:
Or maybe Pearls Before Swine gets it best:
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